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Conan · S3 E118

One If by Land, Two If by Jetski

2013-07-30

Neil Patrick Harris, Shailene Woodley and comedian Dan St. Germaine

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Season 3 Episodes

  • E1Superman Takes Ambien and Accidentally Sleep-Destroys Tokyo
  • E2Saw VI: The Past Tense of See VI
  • E3I've Got 100 Problems, and Yes, Karen Is One of Them
  • E4The Day They Announced Five More Twilight Movies
  • E5"Boo!", Said Boo Radley When Asked What His Name Was
  • E6The Vague Man Who Said Something
  • E7The Lorax XXX
  • E8What Does Not Kill You, Only Makes You Decide to Sell Your Hang Gliding Equipment on eBay
  • E9Dial N for "Not How You Spell Murder"
  • E10Surprise, Fourth Graders, You're the Mets!
  • E11The Unicorn That Hated Little Girls
  • E12The Lion, the Witch, and the Ward Boss
  • E13The Puppy Photo That Got 42 Dislikes
  • E14Honey, Can You Please Help Me Open This Can of Whoop-Ass?
  • E15The Announcer Who Couldn't Sing
  • E16Star Wars Episode 7: A Cautiously Optimistic Hope
  • E17The Narcoleptic Insomniac
  • E18Conan's Got a Cold
  • E19The Unfortunate Rap Career of Dr. Dreidel
  • E20Melf Hunters 3: North Polin'
  • E21The Grinch Who Returned Christmas for Full Store Credit
  • E22The Present with No Air Holes That Stopped Meowing
  • E23Whatever You Do, Do Not Do a Google Image Search for "Geese-a-Laying"
  • E246 Resolutions Broken, 3 to Go
  • E25The Guy Who Drove a Hummer and Wasn't a Total A-Hole
  • E26Fool Me Once, Shame on You, Fool Me Twice, I Kick You in the Scrote
  • E27Betty White's Bud in Bieber's Bong
  • E28All Quiet on the Western Front, Until Someone's Car Alarm Went Off
  • E29Smells Like Murder, But It's Probably Fish
  • E30The Chamomile Conundrum
  • E31Texas Chainsaw Seminar: How to Sell Chainsaws from Home!
  • E32Siri, Where Is My Kidney?
  • E33The Long Awaited Revenge of Zippy Smiles
  • E34Step Up 3D 2: The Stepening
  • E35The Least Fantastic Pants of Professor Downplays-His-Pants
  • E36Sweet Home Al-Jazeera
  • E37The Day the Mime Stood Still
  • E38Watch Tonight's Show and Live Forever* (*This Claim Is 100% False)
  • E39Occupy CONAN: When Outsourcing Goes Too Far
  • E40The Day Lincoln Joined LinkedIn
  • E41Charlie and the Chocolate Factory That Was a Front for a Sweatshop That Makes Gym Bags
  • E42Yahtzee at the OK Corral
  • E43The Strange Case of Case Strangerson
  • E44The Postman Always Butt-Dials Twice
  • E45The Walls Have Ears, and Other Side Effects of This Medication
  • E46The Hunchback of Notre Dame Law School
  • E47Love Means Never Having to Say, "Do You Think Your Friend Would Be Into a Three-Way?"
  • E48The Surprising Bar Mitzvah of Seamus O'Flannery
  • E49"Waka Flocka Flame," Said the Drunk Rooster
  • E50The Roomba with a View
  • E51The All-Girl Sausage Party
  • E52You Have the Right to Remain Naked
  • E53The Legend of Legend Cove
  • E54The Exquisitely Subtle Beauty of a Perfectly Formed Badonkadonk
  • E55Kathy, Will You Marry Me? Give Me Your Answer in Tomorrow's Episode Title
  • E56Yes I'll Marry You, But My Name Is Karen, Not Kathy
  • E57The Ex-Cons Who Discussed the Pros and Cons of Prose
  • E58A Time to Kill Time
  • E59The Octopus Who Was a Master Pickpocket in Highly Specific Circumstances
  • E60The Sophomore Who Took a Year Off to Find Himself Unemployable
  • E61Angels in Poorly-Made Devil Costumes
  • E62The Man in the Gray Flannel Snuggie
  • E63I Just Called to Say I Love Wheat Thins
  • E64The Title with the Unnecessary Question Mark?
  • E65The Auto-Corrector's Last Will & Testicle
  • E66The Ginger Went Down to Georgia
  • E67It's Not the Heatlanta, It's the Humidylanta
  • E68Gone with the Wind, But Don't Worry, We're Insured
  • E69The Show Where We Partied Too Much in Atlanta to Think of a Good Episode Title
  • E70The Inspiring Journey of the Armless, Legless...Oh Wait That's a Snake
  • E71The Surprisingly Non-Ostentatious Summer Home of King Tut
  • E72Beer Squad: Battle in Sudsville
  • E73Zero Dark Thirty: The Squeakquel
  • E74The Episode Title WITH Misplaced Emphasis
  • E75Keep Your Friends Close, Your Frenemies Closer
  • E76Django Snowchained
  • E77Auto-Corrective Asphyxiation
  • E78Return of the Dawn of the Sequel III
  • E79Are You There God? It's Me, a Courtesy Call from Time Warner Cable to Tell You About How Much You Can Save by Bundling Services
  • E80Green Eggs and Ham and Trichinosis
  • E81Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and the Ruination of His Middle Name
  • E82The Episode Title with the Inset Box of Me
  • E83The Court Martial of Cap'n Crunch
  • E84Press "Pound" for Murder
  • E85The Very Understated Adventures of Captain Beige
  • E86There Is No "I" in Tim. That's How Unselfish He Is!
  • E87IMDBCooper
  • E88"Why Are You All Laughing?" Asked the Glass Blower
  • E89The Princess and the P. Diddy
  • E90Kentucky Freud Chicken and the Terrible Psychiatry Joke
  • E91The Completely Flat Man... in 3-D!!!
  • E92The Illegitimate Rise of Steve Bastard
  • E93Butt-Dial M for Murder
  • E94The Exotic Marigold Hotel 2: Dench Does Dallas
  • E95The Man Whose Darkest Secret Is That He Kind of Likes The Wallflowers
  • E96Alien Meets The Fokkers
  • E97The Limber Chef Who Tossed His Own Salad
  • E98Do Not Ask for Whom the Bell Tolls, Because It's Out for Its Annual Servicing
  • E99Escape from Podcast Mountain
  • E100The Fast & the Dealing-with-Their-Fury-Through-Journaling 6
  • E101The Announcer Who Repeated Himself. The Announcer Who Repeated Himself.
  • E102The Mysterious Case of the Two Talk Guests and One Musical Guest
  • E103Never Name Your Daughter Dilda
  • E104The Road to Hell Is Paved with Good Intentions Brand Asphalt, Good Intentions Brand, Ask for It By Name!
  • E105The Slowly Bobbing Adventures of Buoy Boy
  • E106When Your Friend's Kid Just Starts Listing Dinosaurs, It's Okay to Give Him Beer.
  • E107My Friend Went to the Ed Hardy Outlet and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt
  • E108The Episode Where We Worked So Hard on the Show We Didn't Have Time to Come Up with a Great Episode Title, So Let's Just Call This One "Steve"
  • E109The Day the Earth Stood Still Just Long Enough to Take One Good Selfie
  • E110There, There, Don't Cry. Andy Just Went to Live on a Farm
  • E111Zero on the Richter Scale
  • E112Cheapskate Charley and the Taped-Up iPhone 3S
  • E11399% Effort, 1% Milk.
  • E114Dog Nerd-A-Palooza: Labradorks vs. Poodle-Dexters
  • E115"What Is Jeopardy?" Said the Senile Alex Trebek
  • E116Slow and Steady Wins the Participation Trophy
  • E117Littering in London: Jack the Ripper's Lesser Crimes
  • E118One If by Land, Two If by Jetski
  • E119Dragon Hunt 2: Scorchy's Revenge
  • E120My Big Fat Greek Landlord
  • E121Journey to Joke Mountain 3: The Laughening
  • E122Free Pizza for Everyone!* (*The statements made in CONAN show titles do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of this company.)
  • E123Egg Police: Omelet You Go with a Warning
  • E124The iTunes Update That Made All the Difference
  • E125Now You See Me, Now You Put On Your Glasses and See Me Better.
  • E126Conan and Andy's Laughquest '13 in 3D
  • E127The Mysterious Case of No Wait We Did This One
  • E128Goodfellas 2: Betterfellas
  • E129The Touchscreen That Didn't Like to Be Touched
  • E130The Self-Centered Man Who Called It "MeTube"
  • E131DoubleVision Theater presents: 24 ANGRY MEN
  • E132The Evil "S" Who Turned Laughter to Slaughter
  • E133A Bar Walks Into a Horse for a Change
  • E134The Man Who Would Be King, but Chose to Sell Home Appliances Instead
  • E135Nurder, She Wrote without Proofreading
  • E136Ted Nugent and Quentin Tarantino Present: Django Wango Tango
  • E137The One Movie Even Nicolas Cage Wouldn't Star In
  • E138Goodzilla: The Giant Lizard Who Taught Reading Skills
  • E139The Fast and the Bi-Curious
  • E140Mr. White Meets Mr. Extremely White
  • E141Now Is the Winter of Our Disco Tent
  • E142The Black Guy Who Had Almost Every Springsteen Album
  • E143Word Is a Four-Letter Word
  • E144The Microphone That Suddenly Went Off in the Middle Of
  • E145Fast Times at Ridgemont Retirement Home
  • E146Font Wars: Helvetica vs Calibri Part 3
  • E147A Word-for-Word Re-enactment of This Afternoon's Queen Latifah Episode
  • E148Aaron Aaronson and the First-in-the-Phonebook Caper
  • E149The Dog Who Had the Opportunity to Lick Itself But Politely Declined
  • E150Throwing Shade Since 1993
  • E151Is Not In Right Now. Please Leave a Message After the Theme.
  • E152Of Mice and Men and Their Mutant Offspring, Mice-Men
  • E153The Asian Guy Who Actually Appreciated That "Good at Math" Stereotype
  • E154The Westboro Baptist Church's Surprisingly Moving Stage Version of "Brokeback Mountain"
  • E155Microwaving Fish at Work Is a War Crime
  • E156Please Wait While Your Show Title Is Being Processed
  • E157Two Decades, Two Laughs
  • E158A Night of 1000 Laughs and 11 Deafening Silences
  • E159That Spooky Night They Ignored Halloween and Showed Clips from the Last 20 Years